so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
