um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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