all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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