I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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