You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
