we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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