ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
