When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
