he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
