You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
