you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
