What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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