This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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