I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
