Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We need to get me chipped asap
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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