I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
