I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
