After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
