Just cropdusted the office
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
