I like my sex mixed with concussions.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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