So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she told me i tasted like america
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
