doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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