sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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