Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My vagina is officially offended.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
