Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
