Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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