I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
