I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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