): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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