Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
