He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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