Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
