Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
high people should be assigned attendants
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
