just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
