Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
