i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
