Moan for me like Helen Keller
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
