he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All the doctor said was why
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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