I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
