oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
