One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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