and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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