I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
