I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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