i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
