somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
