Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
