Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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