Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
