I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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