Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
