Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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