First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
