If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
