the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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